#4.... Say What?!

Guess what? We are expecting our 4th child sometime around January 10. Yes, we know how this happens. Yes, #4 was unexpected. Yes, I am excited. Yes, I am scared to have 4 kids 5 and under. And yes, I have been pregnant A LOT lately.

These past few weeks, God has taught me so much about myself, being a mother, and letting go of my plans. To be honest, when I found out I was pregnant, I was overwhelmed with fear. Being a mother to my little ones has been one of the greatest blessings of my life in so many ways. I first of all feel privilaged just to have the chance to be a mother. There was a time in my life where I wasn't sure this would happen. What a joy it is to give birth to these little ones and watch them grow. Being a mother is amazing.

To be honest, it has also been hard. There is a lot of crying, tantrums, sleepless nights, potty training, whining, morning sickness, exhaustion. Then there is the self-sacrifice. The really hard stuff. The part of mothering that you can never really prepare for. It sort of shocks you with the first baby. You start to give up nights with friends and you begin to lose sleep. Income decreases, cost increases.  With each child you sacrifice a little more of yourself and time.

When I first found out I was pregnant I immediately asked God a million questions. "Do you see the chaos in my house everyday?", "You really think I can be sick again and take care of 3 little ones?", "Our house is small. Where will this baby sleep?", "We already struggle to pay bills, how are we going to get by?", "Do you realize I will have 4 kids under 5 at home every day, all day?", "Am I ever going to sleep?", "Who in their right mind will watch all 4 of my kids so I can have a break?", "I just fit into my favorite pair of jeans. Really?".

I am thankful for a God that shows me grace. During that week of questioning, God revealed so many truths about His purpose for my life. This saying from Rachael Janokovic has been engrained in my mind:

Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.
Christian mothers carry their children in hostile territory. When you are in public with them, you are standing with, and defending, the objects of cultural dislike. You are publicly testifying that you value what God values, and that you refuse to value what the world values. You stand with the defenseless and in front of the needy. You represent everything that our culture hates, because you represent laying down your life for another—and laying down your life for another represents the gospel.

Our society hates self-sacrifice. We are taught to only give things up when it is convenient for us. God has continued to remind me to give up my body, my comfort, my fashion, my sleep, and my time. I won't be able to walk into a store with all 4 of my little ones and look like I have it all together. I mean really, I almost have to expect someone to be upset. Make-up on Sunday morning won't cover my exhaustion from a sleepless night. I will be forced to be vulnerable. I need that. I need to give up my desires in order to give to someone else. My mission field is my children. Those 4 little people have the capability to change hundreds, even thousands of lives. What a responsibility. What a privilege. What a blessing. A few years of little sleep is worth that.

If you visit the Richard house this winter please expect to see lots of kids running into each other on juice and dirt stained carpets. There will be a lot of crying and fighting. I will most likely be wearing my black work-out pants and sweatshirt from the year 2000. My hair will be in a pony tail and coffee will be in my hand. Don't expect fancy food. Pancake dinners will become a staple. There will be no chair for you at the dinner table. You won't have your own space. You may have to change a diaper. I'm cool with that because when you walk into this house, you are walking into a place that is exactly as God intended it.

The life inside of me was not an "accident". This child is not an inconvenience. This child is an unexpected blessing.